For the Future
}} The Oracle reveals the Order's future. Cast * The Order of the Stick ** Roy Greenhilt ◀ ▶ ** Haley Starshine ◀ ▶ ** Elan ◀ ▶ ** Belkar Bitterleaf ◀ ▶ ** Durkon Thundershield ◀ ▶ ** Vaarsuvius ◀ ▶ * Blackwing ◀ ▶ * The Oracle of the Sunken Valley ◀ ▶ * Tiamat ◀ ▶ * Team Evil ** Xykon ◀ ▶ ** Redcloak ◀ ▶ ** Zombie Dragon ◀ ▶ ** The Monster in the Darkness ◀ ▶ ** A Hobgoblin Cleric ** Seven Hobgoblins Transcript the Oracle's prophesies appear in green speech bubbles, and are noted as such in the transcript. Roy: OK, so if we each pay the fee— Oracle: Bupbup buupbupbup bupbup! Oracle: Enough foreplay, let's get this party started. Lights! Oracle: I will now go into the oracular trance from which I shall answer your questions. Don't forget, these answers will be all that you remember of your visit here. Oracle: Actually, I guess you WILL forget, so never mind. The Oracle levitates in a tight spotlight surrounded by a green glow and a vision of Tiamat. Roy: Great, more dramatic lighting. Elan: Shhh! Oracle (prophesizing): Oh great five-headed Mistress of Dragons! Hear your servant and grant me the power to see the future for these poor sad pathetic lonely unclean annoying disgustingly-hairy mouth-breathing ape-people. Roy: That list of insults was strictly necessary, I presume. Oracle: Well, the spell DOES require me to identify the recipients unambiguously. Oracle: Now don't be shy, deposit your payment and ask your question. Durkon: Guess I'll be goin' first, then. Durkon: How will I finally be returnin' ta me beloved dwarven homelands? Oracle (prophesizing): Posthumously. Vaarsuvius: How will I achieve complete and total ultimate arcane power? Oracle (prophesizing): (Prophecy) By saying the right four words to the right being at the right time for all the wrong reasons. Haley: Bfqe zqp M rt et fjketfj wi kljjzf? Oracle (prophesizing): (Prophecy) When the gift horse comes calling, don't look it in the mouth. Elan: Will this story have a happy ending? Oracle (prophesizing): (Prophecy) Yes—for you, at least. Belkar: Do I get to cause the death of any of the following: Miko, Miko's stupid horse, Roy, Vaarsuvius, or you? Oracle: (Prophecy) Yes. Belkar: Sweet! Which one? Oracle: Next! Roy: There are two magical gates that Xykon might try to control next: Girard's Gate, on the western continent, or Kraagor's Gate, near the northern polar cap. Oracle: Is there a question— Roy: If the lich sorcerer commonly referred to as "Xykon" will ever be, at some future point in time, within a 1000-foot radius of one of these two magical gates, of which of those locations will he be within said radius first, chronologically? Oracle: ... Oracle: That, uh... that's your question? Roy: Yes. Cut to Xykon astride his Zombie Dragon. Xykon: To Azure City! Cut back to the Oracle. Oracle: You're sure? You wouldn't rather ask something a bit— Roy: I'm sure. I worked it out specifically so that you couldn't twist the answer. Cut to the hobgoblin army in the Southern Mountains. Hobgoblin Cleric: You heard Xykon, the lich sorcerer! To Azure City! Cut back to the Oracle. Oracle: OK, but I'm just saying, wouldn't it be easier to just ask, "Which gate is Xykon heading towards next?" Roy: Are you going to answer the question I asked or not? Cut to Redcloak with the Hobgoblin army. Redcloak: Yes indeed, let us go to Azure City, and NOT to either Girard's Gate or Kraagor's Gate, as might be expected! MitD: Wait—what gate? Cut back to the Oracle. Oracle: Fine. But I want it on the record that it is not my fault if the plot sequence gets screwed up. Oracle (prophesizing): Of those two given locations, Xykon will be within 1000 feet of Girard's Gate first. Roy: HA! Once again, careful planning and deliberate thinking win the day. Oracle: Yes, You've certainly managed to cunningly outsmart yourself at the very least. Blackwing: Caw caw caw caw, caw caw caw? Oracle (prophesizing): Try ginkgo bilboa[sic]. Trivia * The translation of Haley's line is: ** Panel 8: What can I do to restore my speech? *** There is again a double encryption of F as both H and R. * Shojo also uses dramatic lighting in his throne room, he "can finally turn the spotlights off" in #289. * Gingko Biloba is commonly used as a memory aid. The raven may presumably be asking, "How can I get my master to remember that I exist?" * "Bilboa" may be a pun on the well-known fantasy character Bilbo Baggins. * The three cutaway panels (page 2, panels 5, 7, and 9) line up. * Durkon's prophecy comes true in #992. * Vaarsuvius' prophecy comes true in #634, The Wrong Reasons. * Haley's prophecy comes true in #382 (page 2, panel 3, to be precise). * Elan's prophecy might be considered to have partially come true in #887, #888 and #889, since Girard's phantasm gave the party an "Happy Ending" (as in the title of #887). * Belkar's prophecy comes true in #567. * Roy's prophecy comes true in #899, Prophecy Fulfilled. ** The title of the comics where Roy's and Varsuvius' prophesies come true relate to the Oracle's prophecy. External Links * 331}} View the comic * 5283}} View the discussion thread Category:The Oracle of Sunken Valley